Sunday I celebrated 30 days of sobriety, again. Well, I didn't exactly celebrate; I remembered I hadn't had a drink in 30 days, again. Truth be known, and I don't mind saying, I haven't had a drink since January 14th but I did have a small slip July 4th. Long story, but I crumbled under pressure and tasted a beer so my friend would stop bugging me to experience the deliciousness. It wasn't that delicious, I don't even like beer, it didn't even amount to a sip, and it fucked me up mentally for a week. I went back and forth about whether it counted and got different opinions from sober folks I asked. Ultimately I decided to count it so I wouldn't feel like a liar every time I proclaimed my sober time. Only now I punctuate my sober time with "well really I have x months, if you don't count that slip." Not sure which is sillier, but I feel better with the latter. I guess I'll keep doing this until the "again" goes away.
So today, I am happy to be 31 days sober, again, and glad I am not drinking, but I do not want to do the work. I don't want to go to my favorite meeting, and I don't want to think about drinking or
not drinking. I just want to be. My sponsor is out of the country so I can't talk to her, but I know what she would say and I hardly ever call her anyway, when she is available. Boo Hoo.
That is all.
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